ACHTUNG! All you militant Negroes, Jew pinkos and overly-sensitive White liberals should probably refrain from clicking on the “read the rest of this entry” button below. This is very complicated research stuff, full of big scientific mumbo-jumbo — I would be SO saddened to learn that any of you had suffered from severe migraines, or possibly had your pointy little heads explode from trying to understand it. Please, just go back to listening to that Fifty-Cent CD, play on the X-box, re-read “Watership Down,” “Das Kapital” or something.
Major Discoveries in my “Black is Beautiful” Field Work!
I am now pleased to announce a huge break-through in the field of Paleoanthropology and the Hominid sciences — all the age-old questions about the missing evolutionary steps in our family tree that has confounded scientists to the present day can now be answered by me, with full scientific accuracy!
Thanks to my on-going “Black is Beautiful” project, in conjunction with my far-ranging field digs in places such as Kenya and South Africa, or merely driving through once beautiful American cities like Detroit and Philadelphia; has now led me to the startlingly conclusion: “The Missing Link” never, ever went missing in the first place! Yes, this appears to be the case, ladies and gentlemen. Read on, fellow researchers.
Since all this became public, the transatlantic cables have been burning up with messages from various like-minded scientists from here to Europe. Apparently, my last blog postings had made quite the impression on the scientific establishment, right along with all you lay people (no, not porn stars).
For example: I recently recieved the following cablegram from “The Continent,” delivered to my door by a freckled-faced young man in a smart-looking blue uniform, white gloves and pill box hat:
March 1, 2009
Dear Dr. INCOG MAN:
My esteemed colleagues at the University of Westphalia (Bad Godesburg) wish to congratulate you on your recent ground-breaking research work on the “Missing Link” question that has eluded the scientific community for so many decades now.
One of our younger research associates, Herr Wolf Gangfokker, came across your work and photos while perusing that new marvel of communications called “The Internet” and was astounded, if I may use the term, by your discoveries in the field and brilliant deductions.
I cannot tell you how excited our faculty is about your conclusions. No longer will we need to bake under the hot sun in rocky landscapes like the Oldavai Gorge, or spend hours pounding open rocks in some Transvaal limestone quarry to find crumbling remnants of early man. Now we can simply fly to America!
No, it is not “Homo Habillus” nor “Homo Erectus” nor Homo anything, but Africanus Americans — just as you conjecture. Yes, your photos are quite convincing to us, that the Missing Link is indeed alive and well. And all this time we thought he had gone extinct long ago!
This leads new-found credence to the burgeoning Multiregional Evolutionary model long espoused by our top Hominid theorists, right along with the man in the street, I might add.
As we closely examined your frightening photos from the field, we were amazed to see they have now evolved to the point where they often wear clothing and drive motor vehicles! One of our scientists, Dr. Otto Normalzocker, even conjectured that they probably even use currency and interact using verbal communications of enough complexity to be deemed a language. He coined the term “Ebonics” for this possible primitive new language.
Please let us know if any of this is true.
We would like to organize a field expedition as soon as possible. Would you recommend Detroit, Washington DC or Philadelphia? Or how about someplace deep in the jungles of Mississippi? We can come equipped with cans of Colt-45 Malt Liquor and basketballs to hand out; we have our own bullet-proof vests to wear and have enough financing for the necessary SUV’s and porters for such a rigorous adventure…Respectfully, [signed] Professor Emeritus, Dr. Lorenz Rutger Snodgrass, PhD, ScD, DCJ, DHS, DSSc Professor of Anthropology, University of Westphalia, Bad Godesburg, Germany
Can you imagine my swelling pride (no, it wasn’t Viagra kicking in) when I read of the ringing endorsement in the world’s intellectual circles of my hard and dangerous field work? Further research photos (below) amply backs-up this thesis and will surely earn me some kind of award. Maybe not the Nobel one, since I heard that nothing but Jews get that one, but perhaps I’ll soon receive the coveted Upper Bavaria “Poindexter of the Year” award!
And now, without further ado, my discoveries to this point:
Like all scientists, I must confess I stand on the shoulders of great achievement: Prof. Biggelsworth Babcock of the Cambridge Primate Society (1882), Dr. Heinrich Himmelbladder of the Horst Wessel Academy (1936), Prof. Schlomo Schtuppmeister of Weiner-un-Bratislava University (1952) and Dr. Jorge Quasimodo of Madrassas Polytech, Spain (1983). I doff my pith helmet to these famous past academicians and scientists!
Nostrils flared all over when my research was finally leaked to the public by unknown parties. Apologies were demanded, ultimatums flew. Did I buckle? Like many famous science heretics, past and present, I told them: STFU!
I commisioned the renowned science illustrator, Francoise DeBoner, to grace my reported findings for submission to the exclusive science magazine “Nature.” For some reason, I have yet to hear anything back on publication dates.
Close by in the same city park, I found a competing troupe that was apparently upset with all the ruckous and attention-grabbing of the first group. I quickly took this photo and hurriedly left the vicinity.
Although it’s often difficult for John Q. Public to make out specific individuals — law enforcement assures me that they all have names and records. They also say things are under control, but I’m not so sure.
Some of the more intelligent individuals of the species have managed to learn the English language and so cram as many big words as they can come up with in a single sentence. They’ve figured out how to con their way on to university faculties and TV shows simply by injecting the words “bona fides,””articulation,” and “eloquence,” in describing anything about themselves.
— Dr. INCOG MAN
Additional research papers: