BY NOW, EVERYONE knows the wack-job Jew troll who used to plague my old blog — right along with dozens of other blogs and websites across the Internet. Appropriately, this freak show calls herself “The Mad Jewess;” once having the typical Jew cojeñes to tell her whiney pals on the JTF.org forum (Jewish Task Force) — all those Israel-Firsters, latent homos and sexual rejects — that she “OWNED” my blog, as in “pawning me” by way of her “pithy” comments and “witty” rejoinders. She also invented things totally out of thin air, like I admitted to her highness I was Gay and secretly Frank Weltner. Yeah, riiiiiight.
This spurred me to further research this Queen of the JTF and I soon came across some revealing facts* about her (as you will see), including verification of her insistent claims to being half-Injun. The nutcase’s real name is Daulette Dettleslinger, affectionately called “Dookie” by spittle-prone Kahanists, portly Rabbi pedophiles and the aforementioned psycho JTF-niks. She was also recently declared Queen Jew Byatch of the JTF and High Priestess of the Harridani (an obscure Jewish radical feminist sect).
But few realize she’s also supposedly an “entertainer,” billing herself out as a latter-day Ethel Merman; too bad, she’s mostly talentless and no one even remembers who Ethel Merman was. She was once flown out to Reno, Nevada by the US military (at taxpayer expense, as usual) to give a private performance to lonely GIs living in a Quonset hut high up in the mountains. This proved to be a big mistake as the soldiers soon fled, resulting in many lives lost in the winter wilderness.
Some Jew entertainment reviewer once dubbed her “The Galloping Chanteuse of Chutzpah” for her lumbering performance as Dumbo the Elephant in the short-lived off, off-Broadway musical “Disney’s Head on Ice!” She now emblazons the qwirky description all over her letterhead, business cards, websites, underwear embroidery, as well as having it neatly tattooed on her backside in a stylized, cursive font, just above her hairy butt crack. She must have really liked it.
MAD JEWESS’ ”HOLY” BACKGROUND
Daulette’s grandmother, a rich spinster Jewess named Deluth Shtuppmeister, once took a vacation around the turn of the century (the one before last) to the Catskills, so as to take her mind off not finding a husband. While idling her summer away in a bungalow deep in the woods, reading quirky romance novels on the love affairs of Molech and the demoness Liluth, she heard distant yelling outside. Stepping outside to find the cause of the uproar, she saw mobs of other vacationing city Jews chasing down a naked Indian, running frantically through the woods nearby.
A little background is needed here, for you to understand why Jews instinctively like to chase naked Indians in the woods.
Back in ancient times, the Jews where forced by the evil Russian Czars to move to a region since called “The Smell of Settlement.” There, they lived in little towns called “Shitels,” which was simply a bastardized word derived from “Shitvilles,” handed down to them by local Poles, White Russians and the always hated Cossacks.
All of this stemmed from a curious macho custom between the males of the ancient Judaized kingdom of Khazaria on the Eurasian steppes. When sparring for the hand of some local mud Yurt “beauty,” bachelors would drop down into a squat, put their hands on their thighs, spread their knees wide apart and advance on one another in short left and right hops like fat Japanese Sumo wrestlers.
After much snarling, guttural cursing and spitting at each other, both might shout “YEMACH SCHMO!,” loosely translated from the Yiddish as “Stupid shitface!” or, as some scholars still insist, “Watch me defecate!” Such macho male encounters soon escalated to real bowel movements right there in the muddy streets of the fabled Khazarian capital, “Shitnikan,” and since have become firmly esconced in Jewish courtship rituals.
When these Khazar Jews later snuck into America (helped along by other Jews working in immigration), they found Goyim city authorities naturally frowned on such behavior in public, especially on city streets. Fecal matter disposal was already a major problem in these days before the horseless carriage, and places like New York city certainly needed no extra shit from the Jews.
To deal with the problem, well-to-do Jewry imported Indians from places like the Caribbean, or even out West on the Plains, to clean up behind them. Especially valued were the Kikeapoo tribe from the Missouri headwaters – these natives quickly learned the task of cleaning up behind street encounters of the nouveau Jewish rich in New York’s tony neighborhoods.
Now the poorer Jews could not afford the expensive lassoing and importation of Indians from afar; so they resorted to looking for remnant Indian populations in the Northeast on their own. This was one of the biggest fears of free-ranging Native Americans back during the 19th Century — getting captured by some screaming Eastern European Jew and forced into a lifetime of poop-scooping back in the big cities of the east.
Bet you didn’t know all this? Incidentally, this neatly explains the deep-seated scatological interest Jews still have (besides the usual Freudian explanations, of course).
Getting back to the ancestry of Mad Jewess: When Dookie’s grandmother saw the lean, handsome and naked Indian buck frantically running away from the Jew hordes, she beckoned him to come hide inside her Catskill bungalow. As the Jew pursuers ran past, the two looked at one other and in the heat of the moment, found themselves locked in a distinctly non-Victorian embrace.
When Madame Shtuppmeister returned to her once lonely Brooklyn brownstone that fall with her prized Indian buck in tow (who was named Buck), she soon realized she was “with child,” as they say. But at least she now had herself a nice pooper-scooper and quickly hired Buck out to local Jew gents for a tidy profit.
That spring, Mrs. Buck Pooper-Scooper gave birth to two bouncy baby girl twins. The oldest, named Mithra, and a late-comer by twenty days, a real beauty called Zelda. Mithra later moved to the Philippines to escape the incessant drunken fondling of her Indian father; there she changed her name to Imelda, married the Dictator of the country, Ferdinand Marcos, and bought a lot of shoes.
Zelda kept her mother’s last name and also her thing for naked Indians. When she was still but a child, Zelda often went truant, wandering around the city streets hoping to meet up with her own wild pooper-scooper. When old enough, she became a major nuisance on the reservations of the Onanums and Kikeapoos, spending vacations there plying the alchoholic Indian men with liquor and lies about her vast Jewish inheritance.
Eventually, she did capture herself a lonely Iroquis man, Beaverface, who falsely billed himself as “Last of the Tattooed Moccasins” at a low-rent freakshow on Coney Island, the favorite resort to poorer Jews who could not afford to travel to the Catskills during the hot summer months.
Coincidently and apropos, Beaverface and Dookie’s Christian surname “Dettleslinger,” just happened to derive from an old French fur trapper’s slang term for “one who flings feces when mad.”
But by then, the Jewish YEMACH SCHMO! macho defacation confrontations were a thing of the past (at least in public), so Beaverface had to find himself another line of work to support his upcoming new family. The next best thing was the New York Sanitation works where, through extraordinary hard and stinky work, he quickly rose in the ranks of sewer line cleaners to Chief Septic Facility inspector for the Tri-borough area.
You readers must certainly be impressed, by now, with this heart-warming, quintessential American story, another can-do, “pull-yourself-up-from-the-bootstraps” kind of thing only found in “people of color,” “oppressed” natives and immigrant Jews from “The Smell of Settlement.”
THE MAD JEWESS IS SENT TO EARTH TO SAVE US
And here we find ourselves on the day that Daulette “Dookie” Dettleslinger, AKA The Mad Jewess, was born to the world. Oh, must the Cerubim have partied down! Her numerous accolades include: Queen of the JTF and High Priestess of the Harridani. Often, she tries to call herself “Lioness of Judah,” “Leona Helmsley,” “Joan d’Jew” and sometimes even ”Wonder Woman.”
Dookie, when old enough, was enrolled in the E street Yeshiva sponsored by the famous Mohel, Jacob “the Tally Wacker of Brighton Beach.” Here, she soon learned how to spin the dradels for the boys, run card shark operations in back allies and prepare the traditional Purim meat helmet dish, using real Goyim blood when available.
Since her mother and grandmother had willingly married into one of the lost tribes of Israel, young Dettleslinger was highly esteemed and written about in the latest rabbinical book to come out of the Diaspora entitled “The Suckuballah.” This earned her the respect and friendship of the Sons of Lenny, a local teen-aged gang of leather-jacketed Jew Jokesters who prowled the subways and city parks, looking for hung-over sailors and expectant mothers to pester non-stop with stand-up comedy schticks until they gave up all their money so they would just shut up and go away.
FALLING IN LOVE
Soon, Dookie took up with Chaim Portnoy Shmuldik, the mastabatory and hollow-chested ex-tough guy leader of the Lennys who swore on his dead babushka grandmother’s grave that he would be the first Schmuldik to accept Israel’s offer of free return, or “Aliyah” and move to the promised land. There, he would help fight those accursed, tent-dwelling Arabs; the ones who still didn’t quite get it that it was time to pull-up stakes and move away, at least as far as the Sudan or Outer Mongolia.
Dookie still remembers how her heart fluttered as Chaim, out on his knees out on her front stoop, uttered a solemn oath (or at least until the next Kol Nidre ceremony) in his charming, phlegm-filled Yiddish accent, that he would soon chain-saw down every planted grove of 200 year-old olive trees stolen from HaShem by the land-usurping FAKEastinians and dynamite any brick and cinder block “Bedouin tent” he came across. Should any evil Terrorist Islamofreak try to put a stop to him, he would pull out his trusty IDF-issue flame thrower and turn the sorry Amalek bastard to toast!
Dookie was in love.
But one night over a romantic candle-lit dinner of matzah balls, gefilte fish and Manishewitz 20-20 wine, Chaim broke some bad news. No, he would not spirit her off to sun-drenched Yretz Israel to combat evil FAKEastinians, but instead take a job working in the Pentagon offices of Neocohen Richard Perle, where he could be more effective for the Zionist cause by photocopying sensitive papers and ferreting them out to AIPAC policy makers, JINSA think-tankers and Israeli embassy officials — all patiently waiting at a nearby House of Blintzes chain restaurant.
Then, right before leaving for DC, he matter of factly told Dookie she would not be joining him there, since the chances of him hooking-up with multiple hot blonds from the offices of various Zionist Lobbies, PACs and midwest Congressman were rather high — considering that he was a prime Jewish stud puppy, the Shiksas would flock to him like flies to his dear mother’s sweet Kugel. As consolation, she could stay in the New York area and bear his superior baby Jews for him, should she like.
Dookie was heart-broken. She had fantasized about ballroom dancing at the White House, swanky Georgetown cocktail parties and K-street soirees with highly-placed Zionists now in control of the American government and media — all spiced with the usual MOSSAD intriguers, dark Russian Mobsters and dashing Federal Reserve accountants from Israel. She would be on the arm of her very own Jew Master of the Universe, the cadaverously handsome Chaim P. Schmuldik — as the other Jewess women looked on with undisguised envy, mixed with the usual Jewish angst.
Dookie told him no. She just could not stomach the idea of being another mere New York, Sex in the City-type Yenta, her days filled with idle chit-chat about expensive shoes from Italy, her latest Gucci handbag purchase, or what oaths she planned to jettison during Kol Nidre. Those heady times with the Jokesters of the Lennys had spoiled her for action and she yearned to stir-up more trouble with the Goyim strangers, if at all possible.
Since most of the Jokesters had long-since moved on to well-paying gigs out on the West Coast, writing scripts for sitcoms, Vegas stand-up routines and late night shows, what was she to do? She turned to her well-off brother working at Goldman Sachs, the medium-risk, mortage/insurance/casino loss overseas bundle-broker, and asked: “Heimie-ho, what can a Jew-smart and obviously beautiful girl like myself do to piss off as many stranger Goyim as I can and still make some moolah?”
Heimie-ho, thinking for a millisecond, replied “Anything, my dear, for that’s what Jews do all over America today. You should know that by now! Remember what our wise Rabbi Kornholman once told us? ‘Go forth and drive the hated cattle crazy and HaShem will mightily reward you with mucho shekels for now, and two thousand, eight hundred Goyim slaves soon enough.’”
That’s when her cute little sister, Gonoriah, piped-up, suggesting that Dookie — with her Mermanesque talent and booming voice — could milk the Manhattan Goyim tourist trade by night and spend her off days as a member of an elite JTF Harridan unit. “The Israel Lobby will be sure to cut you a fat monthly check!” Gonoriah cooed. “Perfect!” shouted Dookie. “I even have a collection of ridiculous Vaudeville hats, a hockey helmet from when I was retarded and a computer with high speed Internet — tapped right into that office next door!”
HOOKING UP WITH THE BOYS OF THE JTF
Around this time, the JTF was hurting for new members, ever since that horrible dark day when a third of them (nine to be precise) were cut down in their prime, dying from conniption fits while out protesting Ahmadinejad’s Columbia University speech. That sad day has forever become known as “Spazzkippor,” and will soon be another federally-mandated Jewish holiday, if they have anything to do with it.
So, when Dookie showed up one day at the JTF’s “Operation Nitwit” Brigade headquarters (located in the basement of the Long Island house owned by the mother of Schlomo Brillostein), she was welcomed with open arms. Of course, the JTF crew doesn’t get too many female members, of whatever age, so most of them rely heavily on JDate for the slim chance of getting any woman to talk to them — born female or not.
Schlomo’s mother was gone that week, off selling Amway products at a Tupperware convention in Poughkeepsie, so Schlomo felt free to play the new Black on White porn DVD his uncle, the big-time VP at Xtasy Entertainment in California had recently sent him. Just as the boys had fast-forwarded to the dirty parts and started to fondle themselves, someone belched noisily behind them.
Turning around, they first laid eyes on the Mad Jewess in the flesh, smiling grandly at catching the JTF boys getting themselves off. Realizing that she might be making them feel a bit uncomfortable, she quickly assured them that she too enjoyed watching porno — the sicker the better she was sure to add. To reinforce her point, she gave her flabby pudenda a healthy squeeze as the JTF boy’s eyes widened to saucers.
The next thing you know, she was one of them! After nukking up a platter of Smegma© brand Kosher Knishes and mixing a big vat of Dimona© Radioactive Punch mix, heavily-spiked with cheap vodka stolen from mom’s pantie drawer, all of them sat down to finish watching Schlomo’s new DVD, “White Cheerleaders in Da Hood.” Dookie even delivered the “blow by blow” color commentary to the utter delight of her new boyfriends. She giddily promised that she would bring along her own favorite bestiality DVD the next time they met.
One big contact she made that day was with Demsuck, a punkish Polish Jew who really knew the in’s and out’s of a computer and maybe even more. He patiently showed Dookie how to turn one on, using the power switch and how to type in words on the keyboard. Next, he showed her how to move the mouse around and click on little pictures on the “monitor” to do things. His hand once got a little too close to Dookie’s chest and actually rubbed against one of her fat bosoms. That embarrassed and tit-alated the both of them.
Next, he showed her how to navigate the web, do searches and even helped her start an on-line account with JTF.org. By that point, both were very excited, so she said that it was best to call it a day. Whew! She knew she had more important things to do than having herself a little Pole.
Anyway, it was time to get serious in attacking all the enemies of the precious State of Israel, dirty Muslims everywhere, or any White schmuck who thinks he’s a free American and dares breathe a word about us Chosen Ones. “Never again,” she hissed out loud, to no one in particular.
And then the stupid Goyim masses went and elected a half-Negro Muslim Usurper: Barack HUSSEIN Obama! The sheer effrontery! The man has HUSSEIN as a middle name — what more evidence of an Islamic takeover does one need?
Never-mind the guy was bankrolled by the wealthy and Marxist Chicago Jew machine, right along with all the Wall Street Jews; appointed scores of even more Jews to his administration, including a punky homo and dual-citizen of Israel for Chief of Staff; has the entire economy still under the yoke of the exact same thieving Jews responsible for the current financial mess — none of that makes the least bit of difference when it’s so obvious that the man wants to install a Muslim Caliphate right here in the US! And with us Israelis…er Jews… here first!
Now furious as a cross-eyed rattlesnake on meth, The Mad Jewess typed in a few search strings into Yahoo and scanned the results. INCOG MAN, hmmm, I wonder who this Goy joker might be…
— Phillip Marlowe
* Any resemblance to actual people is wholly coincidental (but still possible, hehe). Illustration on the left is how she imagines herself today. But trust me, reality is a far, far different thing — I’ve seen photos of her (these Jews are so in love with themselves).