Actually, in fact, I might already be dead. This post was scheduled to automatically go up on the Internet at 12:01 AM EST, December 22, by the website software I use (or once used, if I croaked).
At this very moment, my cold and lifeless corpse is floating along face down in the raging waters swirling through what’s left of where I lived, or maybe I was blown to smithereens by the impact of a mountainous asteroid not seen by astronomers until too late — with the traitorous media and government keeping quiet so all the excitable Negroes wouldn’t go on one last huge, murderous freak-fest in the streets.
And please, don’t bother replying if you’re desperately hanging on to your computer desk as you’re sucked out to sea and certain doom, or too busy blasting away at hordes of insanely ugly aliens pouring in from that Galactic rift thingy and chasing down your neighbors to eat their brains or something. I’ll understand.
But hey, if you did happen to survive and your Internet connection is still up, how about dropping me a little donation so I can buy some ice-cold delicious beer? Thanks!
— “DAT RAYCIS MOTHER” INCOG MAN
* “This is Lawrence. This is Lawrence, Kansas…” From the 1983 movie “The Day After.”